last friday (october 3rd) I went to the Taylor Swift Official Release Party of a Showgirl, and the vibes were very off. when I saw the eras tour at the same amc (northpark), I felt an immense love and was inspired by the girl power we all transpired throughout the movie. seeing little girls there was especially moving for my forever-nostalgic self. Taylor Swift truly brings people together like no other. I can’t express how much that collective experience meant to me.

now let’s backtrack. last friday The Life of a Showgirl came out. for the most part, I never like an album the first time through — mainly because I don’t know any of the lyrics yet, and it’s hard to compare all of the songs when I just met them. anyway, I know a lot of people didn’t like the album, and it’s definitely not my favorite, but it made me really happy. in my decade-long parasocial friendship with Taylor Swift, she has gone through and grown through so much. I’m so happy for her. the lyrics aren’t my fav, but every song gave me some sort of indication of how happy she is. she’s finally “made it” in a sense that nothing else matters. she’s in love, and it’s radiant. she deserves this so much, and it’s beautiful and #hopecore for me — this is proof that “it gets better.” so, not my fav, but obviously I’m gonna bop around to the music and try to like it more.

I’m not on TikTok, but I am on Reddit, so I did see the album getting some hate. it’s just dumb to me — you don’t have to like it, move on. in my opinion, this album is a testament to her happiness, it’s sad to see people try to tear her down. despite that, I was still super excited about the movie. I thought I would feel support throughout the theater, but the vibes were off. the movie was maybe 80% lyric videos and 20% Taylor talking. I’ve seen lots of comments complaining about that, but she was clear about it. I’ll admit, at times I was bored, but that’s kind of expected. nerd alert, but I really enjoyed learning about the creative direction and then seeing it in action throughout the lyric videos. the theater was pretty much sold out when I bought my ticket, so I was stuck in the second row. I was trying to follow along and study the lyrics, and at times I caught myself almost singing along (the silence kept me mute :/). I just thought it was weird — we’re all bored, ok, so how can you just have a blank stare the whole time? I had to have fun to pay attention. I went to the movies seeking community and connection and I left feeling alone*.

*** bigggg except: when I walked into the theater someone gave me a friendship bracelet and that was so beautiful I could cry.