I just don’t trust it.

• Love language is physical touch
• Says they tan
• Wants to go to the gym together
• Talks about retiring early or getting rich
• Weakness: beautiful women
• I go crazy for cuddles
• In town for 3 days
• *insert obviously stolen tweet as a prompt
• Unusual skills: getting the hoodie back that was stolen
• I’m looking for: a Lexapro baddie
• My simple pleasures: girls on Lexapro
• The way to win me over is: just don’t be crazy
• Green flags I look for: daddy issues
• My greatest strength: I’m always right
• I’m convinced that: Helen Keller isn’t real